Do 20-Somethings Need to Grow Up?

I recently came across a very interesting article in the New York Times about the reluctance of today’s 20-somethings to grow up.

“The traditional cycle seems to have gone off course,” the article observes, “as young people remain un­tethered to romantic partners or to permanent homes, going back to school for lack of better options, traveling, avoiding commitments, competing ferociously for unpaid internships or temporary … jobs, [and] forestalling the beginning of adult life.”

As the article goes on to explain, young people are taking longer to pass the five major milestones of adulthood – namely, completing school, leaving home, becoming financially independent, marrying and having a child – than previous generations. Men are taking even longer to reach them than women are. As the author puts it, “[g]etting to what we would generally call adulthood is happening later than ever.”

This article is concerned with determining “whether the prolongation of this unsettling time of life is a good thing or a bad thing.”

I highly recommend the article for anyone interested in social trends and human development. It explores the reasons for the delay, and some of the theories researchers are developing about a new stage of life called “emerging adulthood,” in which 20-somethings feel compelled to meander through life in search of their identities. There is some interesting stuff on human brain development, and how parents might be contributing to this delay by continuing to “hover” and problem-solve for their children “long past the time when their children should be solving problems on their own.”

I was particularly interested in the discussion of how cultural expectations reinforce the delay of adulthood for young people: “Today, young people don’t expect to marry until their late 20s, don’t expect to start a family until their 30s, [and] don’t expect to be on track for a rewarding career until much later than their parents were. So they make decisions about their futures that reflect this wider time horizon.” Young people are just fulfilling society’s expectations. As a result, they are often less prepared for adult responsibilities when the opportunities arise.

I was also quite intrigued by the observation that this postponement of adulthood is only really happening in developed countries — young people in industrialized countries don’t have the luxury of putting off adulthood. In other words, delaying adulthood is only really possibly in affluent societies, and the angst these young Westerners are experiencing is really the plight of the privileged.

The author is very interested in whether or not “emerging adulthood” is a real, valid stage of human development, relevant to all people at all times, or just a peculiarity of the current age.  This question is important, she argues, because we need to determine, as a society, how to deal with it. If it’s a legitimate developmental stage, we need to create systems of education, health care and social supports to take it into account.

Should we have more support for 20-somethings, she asks, to better address the restlessness and mobility that are typical of this age group, and that might make the experimentation of “emerging adulthood” available to more young people? Is it a good thing to encourage 20-somethings to meander?

“It’s easy to see the advantages of the delay,” she argues. “There is time enough for adulthood and its attendant obligations. . . . Maybe if kids take longer to choose their mates and their careers, they’ll  make fewer mistakes and live happier lives.”

I think there are a number of problems with the assumptions here. As you may have guessed, I am not in favour of delaying adulthood.

First of all, I fail to see the author’s problem with adult “obligations” or a good reason for putting them off. Later in the article, the author refers to these obligations as “nonstop, often tedious and dispiriting responsibilities” that are better off postponed. Personally, I find this a rather childish and unproductive approach to adult responsibilities. Tedium, labour and obligation are just part of human life, and I think we need to accept this early on. The longer we put these off, and treat them as unnatural interruptions to “real life,” the less capable we will be of dealing with them when we finally have no other choice.

Second, I have a problem with the author’s assumption that more choice necessarily makes people happier. Researchers like Barry Schwartz and Dan Gilbert are discovering over and over again that too many options actually make us less satisfied with what we have: too many choices paralyze us, leading to indecision and inaction. When young people are presented with the notion that they can “do anything” and should take time to test all the different waters before they settle down, they end up anxious and unsatisfied.

Third, I have a problem with the idea that avoiding mistakes leads to greater happiness. Mistakes are the building-blocks of learning. They are what knowledge is made out of. If we discourage risk-taking, we suppress innovation and the attainment of wisdom.

In direct opposition to this author’s suggestions, I think we ought to encourage young people to become adults sooner. We can do this by encouraging them to take risks, to embrace responsibility and commitment, and to accept tedium and hard labour as healthful and necessary parts of life. Young people should not feel afraid to marry young, work hard, enjoy committed sex, have children while they’re at the peak of their fertility, and establish valuable roles in their communities early on in life. They ought to realize that these things give life meaning and purpose.

Essentially, I consider the period of experimentation, restlessness and mobility associated with the twenties as largely valueless. To me, it’s just an exercise in self-indulgence and non-commitment.  The longer young people shirk their responsibilities, the less capable they will be of dealing with them when they are finally thrust upon them.

Besides, making commitments and accepting responsibility don’t mean you stop learning about yourself. Adulthood doesn’t spell the end of adventure and exploration. Instead, I think that becoming financially independent, throwing yourself into lifelong relationships, and learning how to take care of yourself are the most rewarding, exciting, and enlightening things young people can do – so the sooner, the better.

I have found adulthood to be exponentially more thrilling and interesting than adolescence, and I wouldn’t encourage anyone to prolong that tumultuous and angst-riddled period of life beyond what is absolutely necessary.

20-somethings need to realize that they are capable of so much more than playing video games on their parents’ couches while finishing up their third liberal arts degrees and experimenting halfheartedly with sex. We can pull on our big-girl and big-boy underpants and actually do something, rather than waiting around to find out who we are. Only by embracing life and all of its attendant hardships can we really discover who we are.

What do you think? Ought 20-somethings be given the opportunity to put responsibilities on hold while they “discover themselves,” or do they need to grow up already?

Photo courtesy of Captain Tim.